Dump him before he dumps you
Summer has officially begun, which means various things to different people. For some, it might mean baecations, romantic picnics for two, or long summer nights with the one you love. For others, it might mean three months of endless intimate escapades; a sea of women donning sundresses and a plethora of guys rocking basketball shorts. While you're relationship status might determine whether you're for the former or latter activities, there are some that look at summer as the beginning of the end: cuffing season is officially gone until November.
This relationship "spring cleaning"— summer cleaning would be the more appropriate term—isn't the mantra for all, for some the weight, and pressure, of relationships and commitment during a time when peer pressure is at its highest is intolerable.
While the dominant one in the relationship seem to have absolutely no issue nor a hard time ending relationships to indulge in the sweet temptation and fruit of the season, oftentimes this means partners idly sit back and wait for the queue that it's over; this includes watching unacceptable behavior and disrespect and no visible acknowledgment of value and worth. Instead of sitting back and doing nothing, break up with them before they break up with you.
Break ups are hard, but staying in a relationship that isn't working is even harder. Break ups mean the warm, console of your closest friends, re-finding yourself after a period of time when there was no "I" and was only a "we," and it marks a new chapter and a new journey in your life. Staying in a toxic relationship, however, has the reverse effect. Best friends start to distance themselves from you because they realize their words and advice are falling on deaf ears, family and friends don't want the negative, toxic energy in their lives, and instead of growing and flourishing you began to internally shrivel and wither like a plant without light and water.
We all have at one point in our lives been in denial about the future and potential of relationships that weren't working, but it's time to face the truth; don't worry, you're not alone. Below are eight steps to evaluate your relationship and accept it's time to let go accompanied by songs to help you build the courage, or reinforce your gut feeling, to say goodbye for good.
#1: Think about the state of your relationship
Mila J -Smoke, Drink, or Break Up
Do you have a sometimes relationship? Some times it works and some times it doesn't? Does the relationship only seem to work when you give up and give in? If so, it's time to think about the state of your relationship. Btw, if you're relationship only works when you're under the influence, it's definitely time to let it go.
#2: Determine whether or not he's worthy
Sevyn Streeter- B.A.N.S
Are you dealing with a king or entertaining a joker? If it's the latter, let him go. If you can't tell which of the two he is, that might also be a sign to let him go. While relationships require time and patience, you can't change someone who isn't willing to change.
#3: Judge him by his actions and character
June's Diary- L.A.N.C.E.
Words are strong, but actions are even stronger. If he's saying one thing and doing another, there's a disconnect between what he's telling you and what he's showing you. The proof is right in front of you, but it's up to you to be willing to see it.
Sunshine Anderson - Heard It All Before
#4: Decide whether or not you're getting out what you're putting in
Beyonce - Hold Up
Love cannot be measured by actual metrics, but do you see yourself going above and beyond while you get the bare minimum? If so, you are continuously proving you're okay with the setup and dynamic of your relationship. Your happiness matters just as much as his, so make sure you're gaining something from the relationship and not just being drained of your time, energy, love, compassion, oh yeah and money. Don't fall for it, girl.
#5: Make your decision to leave, and stand by it
Ciara feat. Nicki Minaj- I'm Out
After completing steps one through four, if you've decided it's time to go do it. Make your decision to leave, and mean it. Breaking out of habits and patterns are hard, but life is hard. Be comfortable with your decision internally and stand by it.
#6: Let him know it's over (don't hesitate nor second guess)
JoJo- Leave Get Out
Once you've made the decision and you're comfortable with it, it's time to communicate it to him. This step may make you re-think your decision AGAIN, but remember you were sure to be comfortable with your decision internally first so stick with your gut. Seeing him might make things a bit more complicated, but this is your time to be strong and tap into your inner strength.
#7: Come to terms with and be happy with your decision
Sorry I'm not sorry! You've made your decision and don't feel sorry about it! While the good times together were great, you've gained great insight of others and gathered amazing life lessons. Don't be sorry, just take the experience and continue to learn from it. No need to apologize for doing what is best for you.
#8: Realize this is a new beginning and not the end
Now, it is your time to do what's best for you. Think about where you are and how far you've come as a person. Cherish your growth and evolution and get ready for another great chapter in your life. During this time you don't have to rush into another relationship, but enjoy your new liberation and freedom and remember this is just the beginning.
This steps are just a few of the many steps we all have to take when facing the complexities of our relationships and romantic ties to others. While I've experienced these steps and often have repeated a few of them causing a chaotic cycle, ultimately change only comes when you embrace it.
If you're going through this challenging point in your life, or know someone going through this dilemma, share this with them to help them do what's best and right for their wellbeing.