Can You Love Someone Too Much?
Loving flaws, enabling. There's a difference.
As the wedding, engagement, anniversary, and pregnancy announcements of people I went to school with, people I know from my hometown, and amazing people I have the honor of calling my closest, dearest friends (congrats, Marcia!) flood my timeline, I started to think about the day I would scroll and see a photo of HIM.
You know, HIM. The man you thought you would spend the rest of your life pictured with a woman with the caption reading Mr. and Mrs.BLANK. The comments filled with congrats, prayer hand emojis, and emojis with heart eyes. Rather I started to prepare myself for the day, as I knew it was something that would happen eventually.
How would I react? How would I respond? Would I keep my cool and act nonchalant when my friends hit me up saying you see so-and-so got married—why do they ask that shit when they know damn well you saw it? Would I be a tad bit petty and like the photo so he could see I saw the post? Or would I be extra petty posting a photo of myself that would pass any thirst trap test to let him see what he's missing—ladies, we really need to stop doing this because it's corny, tired, and makes us look even more salty than we are. Oh and btw, he won't care and there's a high chance he won't see it. There's also the traditional passive aggressive caption about self love, the pros of single life, and any other b.s. we try to convince ourselves is true.
I kept thinking and thinking, and honestly it started to feel like I was strategizing how to deal with my bitterness, but then something deeper happened. I began to come to terms that I wasn't the ONE for him like he wasn't the ONE for me. That's not a slight to me, but there's a chance that's a jab at him 😜, that I wasn't the one he chose.
Maybe she's able to tell him the things that are wrong with him and call him out on his shit. Maybe she doesn't just turn a blind eye when he messes up, rather brings it to his attention. Maybe her ability to not love all of him is what he needs to grow up and be the man he always said he wanted to be. Then I started to think, did I love him too much?
Can you love someone too much? Can showing someone too much love be more of a hinderance than helpful? Does loving someone too much turn into cottoling? Will loving someone too much turn you into an enabler?
Looking back at the times when I would drop everything to help him. Sacrifice my last dollar cause he needed it. Look past his flaws and see the beauty in them, maybe me showing too much love wasn't allowing him to reflect on his own actions and fully mature as a man.
I never understood how men would complain about their partners being "crazy," yet they would stay with them. Why? There maybe some who are used to dysfunction and toxic relationships and that makes them feel at ease. But the others maybe be in love with these women because the women see who they are and see what they're becoming and aren't afraid to call them out on their shit when the different phases and faces of him don't align.
When he got his come up and was making money, I should've called him out on how he switched up. When I wouldn't hear from him for days then pop back up like everything was cool, I should've let him know he got the wrong one and I'm not the type to deal with somebody that don't wanna be kept. I should've said all the things I felt in my heart and my conscious self was articulating instead of listening to the voices in my head telling me to stay in character and never be the person to overreact and show emotion.
What she is, and will be, for him, he is for me. Not a life partner. Not the love of my life. But someone placed in my life to show me who I truly am as a person, how I act as a person and make sure those phases align. I know I care if you don't keep your word. I know it bothers me to not hear from you for days. I know it pisses me off when you show me I'm more loyal to you than you are to me.
Now that I know that, I no longer need to feel pressed to stay calm and composed when it comes to my morals. Just as she tells him everything he's doing wrong and letting him know she loves herself too much to deal with mediocre behavior from him, I've learned to do the same. So don't love him more than you love yourself. Don't pour all you have into him leaving yourself dry and empty. Cause when he get on, he'll leave your ass for a woman that always reminds him she loves herself and she's her number one.